The Power of the Word
One of the classes that I love to teach is “The Power of the Word”. This is about the affect everyday words and their concepts have on our subconscious. Those affects trap us in patterns; the patterns control our behavior. If we don’t know there are patterns, we can’t break or change the behavior. But if we become aware of where the patterns come from, we can consciously shift them and get ourselves more in balance. Knowing how our regular use of words creates and supports the patterns helps us change.
Here are some of the most dangerous words we use regularly without a second thought: should, why, need, want, desire, wish, and any negative (not, never, no, especially including the contractions like can’t, won’t, isn’t).
“Should” is an ego statement, whether yours or someone else’s. It indicates judgment and a lack of adaptability. “It shouldn’t be that way!” Well, it is. “You should handle it differently.” Well, he didn’t, and who are you to judge? It’s not dealing with what is, it’s wanting things to be different in a little kid kind of way. That one word stops us from seeing what’s happening, what we need to learn and substitutes ego.
Most of us don’t see using this word as immature behavior because it’s part of a pattern we picked up in childhood or it’s a carry-over from past life patterns. Most of the time, “should” subconsciously recalls a lesson learned or example given when we were young, probably before seven years of age. At that time, we absorbed by observation and took whatever we learned as irrefutable fact before we knew we had a choice in believing it or knew how to compare it to any other irrefutable fact.
It can also indicate stubbornness in refusing to see that everyone and everything have their own patterns whether those patterns agree with us or not. In that case, the “should” is trying to right a wrong done to us at an early age that we never grew out of. I’ve seen so many people as they age get stuck on an injustice that happened when they were young and they’ve let it color their lives, especially as people reach old age. And they probably don’t even remember the exact event but more the feel of it. It becomes part of them. We can tell what happened to others in childhood by observing how they hold on to their “shoulds”.
“Why” has the same flavor, another concept of not dealing with reality via ego, but this has a hint of victim in it. “Why is this happening to me?” Karma, perhaps? “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” A better question might be what are we unconsciously putting off that stops love from coming to us? I know that sounds harsh because we are rarely taught at any point in our lives that we’re completely responsible for everything we say, do and unconsciously put off. Nor are we told that everything that happens to us is something we programmed to teach us before we came into this life. But it is the truth. The sooner we become conscious of what our unconscious is doing, the sooner we break the pattern.
Of course in thinking what we haven’t been taught, it’s easy to say, “I should have known this,” or judge ourselves for not doing better, but that’s just a vicious circle. Standing in a “should” or a “why” stops growth and leads, in the extreme, to self-righteous stagnation.
“Need, want, desire and wish” are all in the same boat. These words deal, again, with what is not happening in reality that we would like to be different but they put a fantasy spin on the situation instead of helping us face what is. They also indicate lack. When doing spells, chants or intentions, or even in everyday conversation, if these words come into it, as in “I want a new job,” or “I need someone to stop being mean to me”, we’re reinforcing that we don’t have whatever we’re trying to get, nor do we have the power to get it. Whatever we put off is what we get back. We put off lack, we get lack back, as in, we get nothing back.
It’s more beneficial to state things in a positive, declarative way, as in: “I have a new job,” or “This person stops being mean to me.” By putting things out there as if they already exist we give our subconscious the power to create the change we ask for.
Regular use of negatives is a very clear way of stating how out of balance we are. They indicate looking at things from a defeatist attitude, even if we don’t think we’re being defeatist. And the subconscious just skips right over the negatives and concentrates on the rest of what is said. In saying, “Don’t do that!” the subconscious hears “Do that!” with the same vehemence that we don’t want something to happen.
Contractions are dangerous in that they’re not just the bare negative, they’re wrapped in a different, sometimes conflicting presentation. Take “can’t”. “Can” is positive with unlimited possibilities, until we add “not”. We give ourselves and others conflicting energy by saying “can’t” and the impact of the negative becomes even stronger since there’s something positive to compare it to.
The conflicting energy is more obviously seen in animals and children. If we tell an animal, “Don’t pee on the rug!” they hear “Pee on the rug!” and think it’s ok. Then when we get mad, they don’t understand because they thought they heard it clearly as we said it with strength, authority and probably anger. Children eventually, as they get older, get what we mean when we say, “No!” but that takes conditioning. In the meantime, they get the mistaken clarity of what to do by being told what not to do.
Move that conditioning into adults. Most of us are unaware of the significance of using negatives because they’re such a prominent part of our regular conversation. One of my favorite exercises in the class I mentioned is to have everyone speak for 5 minutes on something or someone annoying they’ve experienced recently and completely eliminate any negative words. Try it. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
Try it for an hour, an afternoon or an entire day. It really becomes a puzzle sometimes to figure out how to say what we want with the effect we want it to have when negatives are out of the picture.
In order to change patterns and become more balanced, first be aware of how many times you and the people around you use these dangerous words. We are so unconscious of their use we don’t even realize the impact they have on ourselves and others. Being in control of what we’re saying and how we say it, using different techniques to get our points across, helps in every single conversation we’ll ever have: within work situations, with friends, with family and very especially with lovers.
Meanwhile, continue to hide. The second half of August is on us and the God-Smacking is going to be at its peak. Good luck. When in doubt, force yourself to be positive, think in terms of love and forgiveness. Stay safe and sane.
And know that no matter how hard this is, how awful people can be, 1) there’s always a reason for it, and 2) we all make it (even if it takes some longer than others).
With love and gratitude…