A new client called wanting to know about her three year old son, who had been diagnosed with developmental challenges and behavioral issues. While she followed prescribed methods in treating him, she was also listening to her instincts and adapting how she communicated with the child while teaching him to adapt to the “normal” way. Still, she was very worried that she wasn’t doing enough or right by him, or perhaps she was missing some genetic or physical health issue that the doctors had yet to find.
The child’s issues affected her husband in that he inwardly felt he had failed his son in some illogical but real way. He secretly thought perhaps he was responsible for the problems in his own unconscious behavior or genetic material passed on. He was in a job he performed well but it was not suited to his personality so it cost him in silent worry that he wasn’t enough every day he went to work. Since his son had been diagnosed, his worry at work was growing, because of his worry for his son. He also needed to cover all this up to be the strong provider, husband and father. His wife, however, knew something bothered him; “inner struggles” she called it, but didn’t know how to help.
Her husband, the doctors and standards in society were looking at her son “as he should be” not necessarily “as he was”. And it was causing a lot of unnecessary guilt, judgment and stress.
Even as she followed her instincts to veer from some of what the doctors recommended, feeling they were putting her son into a cookie-cutter category and not helping him as an individual, she also felt parental guilt even though she had done nothing wrong. Neither had her husband. Neither had her son. Neither had the doctors, in their way – but that’s another story on the stubborn, limited vision of the lingering Piscean Age culture and our over-dependency on the current medical profession.
When I looked at the situation, I saw what I thought they were missing: her son was dealing with issues from his most recent past life, which had been very traumatic. He had been physically and emotionally abused from the day of his birth and had not lived past his mid teens. His mother had not been his mother in that life, but was blood-related to him. The extended family all lived together in a large house, as was common in the late 1800s, so she was witness to the patriarch being abusive. The patriarch’s actions were not unusual for the time, but for some reason, were especially focused on this boy. Both she, her husband and their son chose to reincarnate together in this life to help the boy heal.
I told her that her instincts were right: I didn’t see anything physically wrong with him that was hidden. But the entire “treatment” for this child and children like him was to make them more “normal”, not to accept that they were like this for a reason. He needed to be looked at as an individual and helped as an individual not treated as outside of society.
That is not to say helping a child fit into society is a bad thing or that standards in helping are wrong, just incomplete. By not seeing a complete picture, which may include accepting things “outside the box”, and categorizing children instead of seeing them as individuals, standard treatment frequently causes as many problems as it thinks it solves.
If the mother had adopted him from a traumatic situation in this life, say where he had been born in a war-torn country, had been in danger and never cared for since birth, the way she and the professionals would understand him, accept him and treat him would be different. Even though he hadn’t experienced the trauma in this life, his reactions to the past trauma were the same in how he behaved now.
Accepting his whole situation “as is” and working from there would help him heal from past trauma and then he could adapt to “normalcy”. As it was, he couldn’t accept learning anything new when he was so caught up in the past. Shoving him into “normalcy” without healing the past first means the trauma will resurface at a time in his life that might be more damaging than when under the protection of his parents. As an adult with a family and responsibilities, “acting out” or “being different” could cause major repercussions on many levels.
The point of this isn’t specifically about childhood trauma or disorders. Or even about past lives. It’s how we look at those who are different from the whole. More and more people are coming into this life (and have done so in the last thirty years) bringing difference not just to heal past-life trauma but to teach the whole about individuality and accepting everyone “as is”. And accepting each situation “as is” instead of how we think “it should be”.
As our world expands with Aquarian Age communication, with us being able to learn our interconnectedness with people of all faiths, colors, cultures and genders, we can sometimes see the differences rather than the similarities. And for many younger souls, difference means threat. Threat means danger. Danger brings fear and, frequently, not just silent judgment, but active hatred and violence.
Let’s take a look at it on a lesser level. How many times have we had a really bad argument with a loved one or not been able to sleep and taken that grumble into work? Or experienced someone who is in a nasty mood that then makes the lives of everyone around them harder? We usually don’t stop to think there is a reason for their behavior. We judge them that they should not be in a bad mood, or at least, they shouldn’t take it out on us.
It’s the same principle. No one knows what we have gone through overnight, the day or week before, in our childhood, in our past lives. So they can’t accept that our behavior – whether it’s a nasty mood or a developmental challenge – has a reason. Everyone has to go on faith that here is a reason and that’s not how we’ve been taught to react to challenge or negativity. If there is a challenge or negativity in our face we don’t want to deal with or isn’t ours, we automatically think it just “shouldn’t be” and that’s that.
But that heals nothing. It teaches nothing. It solves nothing. We are in a brilliant time of transformation that requires each of us to be self-aware. That’s a really big requirement but actually very simple. Taking each individual and situation “as is” without judgment, accepting there is a reason for everyone and everything without us fully knowing the details, is our first step.
Trust and it will be revealed, or fake it til you make it – same thing. While that might be easier to do with situations that happened and can be understood in this life, don’t discount we are all facing and healing past-life and karmic situations now in ways that are clearer and more pronounced than we’ve experienced before.
When we encounter someone dealing with their issues, while we can be annoyed or angry that they’re “putting it on us” and “it’s not my problem”, it wouldn’t be happening in front of us if we weren’t supposed to get some knowledge, some understanding, some self-realization out of it.
Without this long explanation of “as is” vs. “as it should be”, we could all just try being compassionate. Not the “I feel sorry for him” compassion which has a slight smack of “I’m better than him”, but genuine compassion of feeling and understanding what it would be like to be in another person’s shoes without judgment that “I could handle that better than they are.” Accepting that everyone is dealing with their own stuff the best they can and in them doing that, they are also teaching those around them to see things more clearly.
Have compassion for self, for others, for all moods and situations, for difficulties that we can’t specifically and personally understand, for animals who help us deal with our challenges and for the Earth who has given us a place to learn all this in a loving environment.
Understanding we are more than the physical world in front of us opens us up to self-and-world knowledge on a completely different level. We’ll all get it eventually (although maybe not on this planet or in this incarnation), but why cause difficulty for self, others, all life and the Earth when all we need to do is check ourselves when we get judgmental, accept what is happening “as is” and live in compassion.
Sidebar: It’s common for children to more clearly manifest their past lives – traumas, accomplishments and what they’ve chosen to heal in this life – when under seven years old than at any other time in their lives. Our society doesn’t pay attention to this so issues linger, unhealed, and, as mentioned, affect the world in a much bigger way as they get older.
Even if children do not have developmental difficulties or behavioral problems, they remember what happened to them in past lives (not just the most recent one) but are given no vocabulary or acknowledgment that any of it is real. That’s like cutting off an arm and saying it never existed.
What we manifest in this life that makes no sense, does make sense if we look far enough back. Check out “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Dr. Brian Weiss if you haven’t already. It explains this in a much broader scope.
I offer this with love and gratitude…